Senior Pro Exposed (not again...)

Whilst trading with tiffin-wallahs in the teeming bazaars of the subcontinent, our Mumbai correspondent was surreptitiously passed this remarkable snap of the old ‘un in full training attire. Every effort is being made to trace the source of this leak, as it represents a severe breach of the “ring of steel” security which has been employed to safeguard the pioneering training methods used by Team Britton. It is feared that Indian bookmakers, formally the scourge of cricket, may have now infiltrated the genteel world of road cycling. This picture does however provide remarkable insight into the extreme, some may say reckless, practices currently adopted by the team. Please note that the authenticity of this photo is yet to be verified.

Tom trains for French roads

On a specially designed assault course in deepest Herts Tom has been at practice in secret for the unique challenges posed by French roadmakers. His wish to remain anonymous during these exercises has extended to heavy investment in a fine example of the wigmaker's crafts and the latest in ATB design. Despite one or two spills, as our snapper's clandestine shot here anticipates, Tom remains phlegmatic, no doubt heartened by Nathalie's recent acceptance of a proposal she found she could not resist (Congratulations all round and apologies for failing to report this sooner). No reports yet, though, on what this particular prospective tumble may have done for him but what seems to be about to happen brings tears to the eyes.

Carol appointed as Coach to Team Britton

News that Team Britton has appointed the wife and mother of team members as Team Coach has taken the world of Cycling by storm with mixed reaction from top sporting personalities. Sources close to Sven report that he had hoped to be approached for this high-profile job and is gutted at being pipped to the post with accusations of nepotism flying around. Multi-talented Clive Woodward is also disappointed that his transferrable skills have not been sought.
However, it is understood that despite the likely six-figure weekly pay cheque Carol is likely to receive this is an appointment that is no pushover with a highly temperamental squad whose dissolute lifestyles need to be brought under control. Expect several pub closures in the North London and South Herts area as curfews are imposed on the squad. On a more positive note seven times Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong commented that he expects Carol to be an outstanding addition to the team "a unique knowledge of this talented team is likely to ensure they are at the start in great shape and on time". A surprised representative of the British Olympic Committee cast doubt on the truth of reports of the appointment "This is the first I have heard of it: Team Britain has a host of coaches already".

STOP PRESS: it emerges that Carol is merely going to bus the team to the start.

Ed invests in new machine

Impoverished student though he is, Ed has spared no expense to be the coolest dude on the Ride by investing in a state of the art bike: here he is taking his new racer through its paces.
Note the trendy headgear and it seems that he may have shaved specially for this photo-shoot.

Circus school pays off

After working hard over the past few weeks on the finishing pyramid, we've managed to get the symmetry to extend to the 'rent a crowd'. Unfortunately they won't be making it over to the Champs Elysee, but we're hoping resident Parisians will forget our historical national differences and turn out in droves on the big day.